Randomness
by Amarie Miriel
Summary: Just like the title says, this fic is a collection of random humerous oneshots. Ishizu gets flowers! Yami learns to play minesweeper! Kaiba takes gymnastics!And more! Please read and be amused at the sheer stupidity of it all!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: What you are about to read is totally random stuff that popped into my head. I think they're too short to be one-shots so I'm putting them all together. Hopefully you will find at least some of it funny.

Warning: Probable OOCness and random acts of hilarious insanity ahead! Read at your own peril!

**Disclaimer**

Me: I don't own Yugioh!

Kaiba: Of course you don't. I do.

Me: What!

Kaiba: Don't make me repeat my self, pathetic moron. I bought rights to the entire Yugioh franchise. I already own Kaiba Korp. Soon I'll own everything! Then I shall take over the world! I'll be unstoppable! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! (pauses to gasp for air) BWAHAHA….

Me: (looks at Kaiba strangely) But you aren't real. Your nothing but a two-dimensional badly dubbed teen CEO with negative social skills, an ego the size of a small continent, an adorable little brother that puts up with you for who knows why, lots of money, an obsession with trench coats and about a kajillion rabid fangirls. You are a figment of the imagination of Kazuki Takahashi.

Kaiba: (stops laughing and glares at me crazily) Your hocus pocus mind tricks won't work on me! When I own the world, you're fired! (resumes laughing manically and is lead away in a straightjacket)

Me: (sighs) Let the fic begin!

**A Strange Deul**

Yami glared at his opponent, who stands cockily before him. His features are obscured by shadows. He steps forward and a patch of sunlight reveals (insert dramatic music here)…. The face of Seto Kaiba!

"At last I shall finally defeat you Yugi."

"Not so, Kaiba! I trust my deck and the heart of the cards!"

"Get with the times you pathetic looser. The "heart of the cards" is soooo outdated. I trust in the force to guide me!" Kaiba pulls out a toy lightsaber that looks like a tiny blue eyes white dragonshooting a silver streak of lit up plastic out of its mouth. Kaiba spins around and swings the lightsaber, making weird sound effects as he moves toward his nemesis.

"BUZZ SHWISH ZOOM CRASH HUMMM ZZZT SWOOSH!"

Yami stares blankly at Kaiba like he had lost his mind. Kaiba steps up and bonks him on the head.

"OW! Hey, that's not nice. This is a kid's show! Oooo shiny stars!" Yami falls unconscious. Kaiba chuckles.

"I've wanted to do this for ages." He carefully slides Yugi's deck out of his deul disk. He searches through it and pulls out a card about 89.6 of the way through. It is the infamous Dark Magician! (insert more dramatic music here)

"Time to give Moto's signature monster a makeover." Kaiba pulls a blue eyes white dragon ballpoint pen from an inner pocket of his trenchcoat. He then very carefully draws a mustache, beard and glasses on the face of Yugi's monster. He cackles snidely, slides Dark Magician back into the deck and places the stack of cards back in the duel disk. He turns to stride confidently away and promptly steps on his trench coat, falling flat on his face. Panicking, he looks around to make sure no one saw him, scrambles up and walks very carefully away, in a slinking, very un-Kaibaish manner.

**Flowers?**

Young Ishizu Ishtar sits on her bed in her room, reading a book. The cover reads 10 Easy Steps to Use in Case a Close Family Member's Psychotic Dark Side Goes Berserk and Tries to Take Over the World by Defeating Someone in a Silly Card Game That Has Absolutely No Influence in Reality .

"Whatcha doing big sister?" a cute five year old Marik asks, skipping through the doorway.

" Ummm nothing at all. Look! An eighth millennium item!" When Marik turns his head she quickly shoves the book under her pillows.

"I don't see anything."

"Erm, must have been a weird shadow or something. So what do you want?"

"I got something for ya! You are my favoritest big sister in the whole world, after all," replies Marik sweetly. He pulls his hands from behind his back and presents the girl with a wreath of beautiful flowers.

"Marik that is so thoughtful! Even though I'm your only sister," Ishizu squeals in delight. She puts the flowers around her neck carefully and takes a deep breath, inhaling their delightful scent. She bends down to hug her little brother, who wraps his tiny arms around her waist to return the embrace. (This is your cue to oooh and awe here people.)

"Hey, hold on here a second." Ishizu stands up suddenly and stares at the child. "Where the heck did you get flowers from anyway? We live, like, 52,689.745 feet below ground! In a tomb! In the middle of an Egyptian desert for crying out loud!"

"Uhhh" Marik stutters.

"How do you even know what flowers are? You've never been outside! I've never been outside! How do I know what flowers are?"

"Umm you saw them in a book, maybe?"

"That's impossible! All we have around here are those ancient scripture thingies, 10 Easy Steps to Use in Case a Close Family Member's Psychotic Dark Side Goes Berserk and Tries to Take Over the World by Defeating Someone in a Silly Card Game That Has Absolutely No Influence in Reality , Tombkeeping for Dummies , Guide to Tattooing and a book of directions to duel monsters. Come to think of it, how did we get that? According to the storyline I don't think the cards have been invented yet!" Ishizu paces across the floor nervously while continuing to rant.

"Umm maybe they got the script wrong. If we make too much of a big deal about it we'll ruin the plotline."

"Of course your right little bro. I'll stop now." They resume hugging and then turn to walk out of the room to do whatever it is that Tombkeepers do. Keep tombs I guess.

**King of Games**

"Hey Yugi, can I play some games on the computer?"

"Sure Yami. I'll be in my soul room re-gelling my hair and working on homework. Do you know how to use the computer?"

"Of course. I've seen you and the others sit in front of this mindless machine for hours."

"All right. Yell if you need me."

Yugi suddenly grew about four and a half inches taller, his bangs stood on end and his eyes changed shape as Yami took over his body. The ancient spirit strode confidently over to the computer that sat on a desk in the far left corner of Yugi's room.

He stood in front of the monitor and stared at it for several minutes.

"Press the shiny green button labeled ON to turn it on, Yami."

"I knew that! I was just, uhh, thinking."

"Sure you were." Yugi's snicker worked its way from his soul room to the ears of the Pharoh.

Yami ignored his other half's jibe and sat down in front of the desk, and picked up the, oh what did they call it again? Rat? Squirrel? Chipmunk? No, those didn't seem right. Hamster? Nope. Gerbil?

"It's called a mouse Yami!"

"Yeah, a mouse. That was my next guess."

"Uh-huh." Yugi did not sound convinced.

Yami rolled his eyes and picked up the tiny electronic rodent, err, the mouse. He scanned the list of games on the desktop. "Minesweeper sounds interesting. Perhaps it will provide a small challenge to the King of Games," he murmured cockily. "Apparently you click on these small gray boxes and try to avoid the bombs. Sounds simple enough."

Click. Click. Click. "Hey Yugi!" he yelled through the mind link. "I think something is wrong with your rat thingy. It clicks instead of squeaking. Maybe you should take it to the vet."

"Yami, it is not a real mouse! It's a piece of metal and plastic and stuff. It isn't supposed to squeak. Duh!"

"Oh." Needless to say, Yami was not feeling like the smartest guy around at that moment. He went on merrily clicking away at the gray boxes onscreen.

"Okay, one more box and then I win!" The pointer poised on the screen and he pressed the button. Click. BOOM! The smiley face's grin at the top of the screen immediately drooped into a frown as it's eyes turned into little x's. "Oh my gosh I killed it! And worse, I lost the game!" Yami screamed. "Don't worry little friend. I shall avenge you!"

Yugi cautiously poked his head out of his soul room. "Is everything okay out there pal?"

Yami's eyes were wide and his hair stood on end (even more so than usual, I mean). "I… must… win…" he muttered, ignoring his hikari's query. "The fate of all smiley faces across the world rests on my shoulders. I… must … prevail."

Click. Click. Click. A bead of sweat worked its way from Yami's temple down the side of his face. Click. BOOM!

"Argh! Not again! Must restart!" His fingers feverishly raced across the keyboard as he brought a new game to the screen.

Click. Click. BOOM!

"NOOO!"

Click. BOOM!

"This is not happening. I seem to be getting worse at this. I must persevere!" Gee, this guy is pretty melodramatic huh?

Several grueling hours and countless pathetically lost games later… 

Cli-BOOM! Yami's eye twitched. This could not be happening to him. He was the King of Games. Loosing was not in his vocabulary!

"Well I guess it is now." Yugi was literally rolling around on the floor of his soul room with fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"You aren't helping any," Yami growled through gritted teeth.

Randomly Tristan Taylor walked into the room. "Hey Yugi, what's going on?" he lamely queried. Yami could only glare menacingly at him. "Playing minesweeper huh? Here, let me try." He pried Yami's cold, clammy fingers out of their death grip on the mouse. Yami looked on in shock as Tristan clicked merrily away, deftly avoiding all of the bombs.

"Bumm ba de de dum" the brunette hummed annoyingly as he continued the game. He even whistled the Yugioh theme song.

"I think this is the last one." The pointer hovered over a square towards the upper right corner. Time slowed to a crawl. Ccccllliiiccckkk. Yami waited expectantly for the telltale explosion. Instead a window popped up saying "Congratulations! You have a new record in HIGH SCORE for the expert level! Please enter your name."

"Cool," Tristan exclaimed as he typed in his name proudly. Yami banged his head against the wall in despair.

"Surely the apocalypse is coming!" he moaned in despair. "I am no longer worthy of the title King of Games! Here, take my role as main character. The fate of the world now rests on your shoulders!" Tristan stared at Yami and edged away from the deranged Pharaoh.

"Thanks, but no thanks Igottagobye!" he shouted and quickly dashed out of the door, slamming it behind him. "Man, that was weird," he thought to himself. "I almost got stuck saving the world from deranged psychopaths bent on taking our souls for some evil purpose or another! Whew."

Nothing else important happened except for this: THE END

A/N: (Hears cheers since the end is finally here) Glad you guys liked it so much! (dodges flying keyboards) Erm, well maybe not. Please review! I need all the help I can get (readers nod emphatically in agreement and immediately click on the review button.) Please tell me if you see any grammar/spelling errors too.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm back! Here's another round of random, slightly deranged stuff I thought of. I can't believe people reviewed and even asked for more! Wow, I didn't think anyone would like this. People care! (dances around happily)

dannyp.kaiba: Congratulations! You are my first reviewer for my first fic ever! Glad you liked it!

Nintendo Queen: Sugar is deliscious! I think I was sugar high when I wrote these they are so weird. I'm thrilled you liked Yami's minesweeper adventure.

Sanzo Lover: Hope you like this part as well! Keep your eye out for errors please and let me know about them! I am so paranoid about spelling people's names wrong etc.

Nick: I think the Ishizu short was my favorite of the first three. I'm glad you liked it too!

Adam Shadow: Thanks for the wonderful review! I hope you like this update.

HanyouChaos: I like solitare too but minesweeper is lots of fun as well. Hope you enjoy this part too!

RavenAragonDragonaire: I continued! (gets hit by random objects) Hope you like it!

The Fall Of The Angel: Thanks for reviewing! I hope you find this funny too.

Warning: Probable OOCness and random acts of hilarious insanity ahead! Read at your own peril!

Disclaimer

Me: (points to Kaiba, who is still in a straightjacket) See what happens when you think you own Yugioh! Heh, you won't catch me in one of those things. I own NOTHING!

Kaiba: ….this is an odd trench coat…

Me: (sees Pegasus walk by) What the heck are you doing here?

Pegasus: I'm here to help with the disclaimer, silly! (he chuckles creepily)

Me: Umm thanks (edges away) but I already did it.

Pegasus: You said you don't own it but you didn't say who does own it.

Me: Oh yeah, Kazuki Takahashi. Duh.

Pegasus: WRONG! I own Yugioh! I created the card game, right? This whole thing revolves around duel monsters, right? Therefore I own it!

Me: (smacks forehead) Here we go again. Okay, listen carefully. You don't own Yugioh because you are NOT REAL! You "created" duel monsters 'cause Kazuki Takahashi said you did. In reality you are just a 2D white haired, one-eyed weirdo who has an odd obsession with pink rabbits.

Pegasus: (bursts into sobs and is led away in a straightjacket to join Kaiba) Hey! This clashes with my tacky, semi-girly, red suit!

Me: (sighs) Moving on. Here's the fic!

Journey

Here begins a tale of epic proportions. A sort of quest, if you will. A struggle of good against evil in which our hero battles against unfathomable odds to ultimately prevail. Heh, who am I kidding? This is a pointless ramble about our favorite dumb blond, Joey Wheeler.

It began one early Tuesday morning. For some strange reason unknown to mortal man, Joey was up on time. Maybe he was hungry. That's probably true, because the first thing he did was walk into the kitchen. On the counter he saw… a box of doughnuts! He ran over and started scarfing them down at an inhuman speed. There were jelly filled ones, chocolate covered sprinkled ones, ordinary ones, the kind that have powered sugar on them, chocolate covered crème filled doughnuts and any other kind that I can't think of right now.

Serenity stumbled into the kitchen, still mostly asleep and not in the best of moods. Her hair was sticking out and her eyes were mere slits in her sleep-deprived face.

"GOOD MORNING SERENITY! LOOK WE HAVE DOUGHNUTS FOR BREAKFAST!"

Serenity rolled her eyes at her brother's hyperness at this ungodly hour. If she didn't get some coffee soon, heads were going to roll. She lethargically poured herself a steaming mug of the caffeine filled brew. After dumping about five and a half pounds of sugar into it, she took a long sip of the now syrupy liquid. Ahh, caffeine is good. Already the world was looking better. She made her way to the table and watched Joey continue to stuff himself with the rapidly disappearing pastries. Crumbs were everywhere and his face was smeared with icing and powdered sugar. Serenity sighed and took another sip of coffee. If she was going to get any doughnuts she had to distract her brother, and fast.

"Hey big brother," she said in a sweet, cajoling tone. "You wanna do me a favor?"

"Just let me finish eating first," he mumbled around an apple cinnamon doughnut. Serenity made the face with giant, pleading, adorable eyes that no older sibling could resist. Apparently she had been taking lessons from Mokuba Kaiba because Joey succumbed instantly.

"Anything for you!" he said in a hypnotized voice.

Still maintaining her expression Serenity calmly asked for a doughnut.

"Ha! That was funny sis. Now what did you really want?"

Time for plan B. "Joey will you go get the paper for me? Pretty please?"

"Well..."

"I'll let you read the comics," Serenity said in a sing song kinda voice.

"Garfield here I come!" Joey yelled as he ran out of the house in his fuzzy pink bunny slippers and pjs to get the newspaper at the end of the driveway. He started the long trek back up to the house. As he was rummaging the paper to find the comic section he tripped. He looked down to see what he had stepped on.

"Wow a stick with eyes!" Hissssss."and a forked tongue and scales too. Gee, this is strange. Hey, Serenity come look at this!"

Joey picked up the "stick" and thrust it toward his sister who had come outside to see what all commotion was about. She quickly hid a half eaten doughnut behind her back.

"Can I keep it? It will be my new best friend. I'll name it… umm Mr. Cuddles!" He tightly hugged Mr. Cuddles who started turning blue from lack of oxygen.

"Joey are you blind! That's a snake!"

"GAHH! Snakes are scary!" Joey threw poor Mr. Cuddles away in fright. The traumatized reptile began to slither away dizzily. Serenity then chased it away with a sledgehammer. Thus the end of this pointless ramble occurs.

Hiccoughs

Tea sat in study hall trying to keep from falling asleep as she attempted to read a mind numbingly boring book for literature class. Blah, blah, blah. Unfortunately for her, Tristan and Joey were playing a game of paper football and being quite loud and obnoxious.

"Guys cut it out! I have to get this read or-" Tea's next words were replaced by a very loud hiccough. She covered her mouth and looked embarrassed.

"Tea do you have the hiccoughs?" Joey asked stupidly.

"Dude, she just hiccoughed. That usually means someone has the hiccoughs if they hiccough." Tristan rolled his eyes.

"Hey don't make me feel stupid!"

"It's not hard." The blond and brunette started name calling and throwing various objects at each other.

A paper wad hit Tea's left ear. "_hic_ guys _hic_ cut it out! _hic_ _hic_ I need to concentrate." Tea rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Don't worry Tea we'll cure you!" Joey yelled enthusiastically.

"Great. I'm _hic_ doomed." Tea moaned.

"Try holding your breath." Tea tried, but couldn't because she kept hiccoughing.

"Maybe you should drink some water." Joey suggested. Tea coughed and spluttered nearly choking on the water as she hiccoughed. She glared at Joey.

"Scaring her might work," Tristan said.

"Okay. Umm lemme think. You're in the middle of a really bad fanfic right now!"

"I meant surprise her doofus."

"Oh. Okay. BOO!" Tea hiccoughed once again.

"Oh I have an idea!" Joey yelled excitedly.

"Stay _hic _still my trembling _hic _heart," Tea muttered sarcastically.

"You should pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time while hopping up and down on your left foot and playing twinkle twinkle little star on the bagpipes!"

"What _hic _good is that going to _hic_ do?"

"Nothing. You'll just look really funny! And bagpipes are cool!"

"Dude why do you keep yelling?"

"Cuz I'm hyper from all the doughnuts I had for breakfast this morning!"

THE END

A/N: You know the drill. Tell me what you think! I plan on continuing this so any ideas you have are most welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm back! I bet you thought you were safe from my weird insanity. Well I have returned! MWAHAHAHAHA! (clears throat) Um, anyways thanks to all of you who reviewed. Please note that I included a suggestion from one of you guys so please send in any ideas you may have!

Nintendo Queen: "Brilliant" eh? That makes me feel special. I used your idea- you are the only reviewer who sent one in so thanks a ton! I think it turned out good so I hope you like it!

Sanzo Lover: Ack! Stupid spelling error (smacks forhead). Thanks for pointing it out. The part about Joey thinking the snake was a stick is actually something my friend said once beleive it or not. She was only like3 at the time though.

The Fall of The Angel: Hope you like this disclaimer too! They are really fun to come up with.

Atem's Queen: Here's more randomness for you. Enjoy!

zymethamkrad: Thanks for the review! I think most of the yugioh characters could be insane if you think about it hard enough :)

Sabishi Tomo: Aww, thanks! Personally I liked chapter one better too.

setos-fangirl91: Two reviews from you yay! Lots of people liked the yami part.Thanks for my first plushie from a reviewer ever! (hugs it)

Warning: Probable OOCness and random acts of hilarious insanity ahead! Read at your own peril!

Disclaimer 

Me: (looks around warily for insane Yugioh characters) Okay guys, you know the drill. I don't own Yugioh. (Yugi appears out of nowhere) Gah! Not you too!

Yugi: Yup.

Me: Please don't tell me that you've gone nuts too!

Yugi: Sorry, but I just want to finally accept my destiny as the true owner of Yugioh.

Me: Oh, brother.

Yugi: It's true! I mean, just look at the name: YUGI oh! I'm the star! Why shouldn't I own it?

Me: Well, to be brutally honest, your strange alter ego is more of a star than you are. And you're really, really short. With weird hair.

Yugi: Vertically challenged! And why does everyone make fun of my hair? So what if I use like 50 gallons of hair gel to get it right? I'm tired of putting up with it all! Short spiky haired people of the world unite! Rise up with me and we shall rule all!

Me: (Yugi continues ranting and is led away in a straight jacket to join the others.) Oh well. Let's start out with a make fun of Yugi short first.

Yugi: ARRGGHH!

Road Rage… Sort of. Okay, not really but I can't think of a better title right now!

One day as Yugi was driving he noticed that the gas tank was almost empty. So he did what any normal person would do and pulled into the nearest gas station. However, as we all know, Yugi is not a normal person. Therefore what should have been a routine, dull, uneventful trip to the gas station turned into… well, you'll see.

Yugi pulled up to the pump and got out of the car. As soon as he shut the door, he was run into by a very disheveled, wild-eyed random person who was screaming his lungs out. This poor individual was being chased by an even crazier looking guy who was brandishing a rusty chainsaw. The guy with the chainsaw stopped and began to laugh maniacally.

"I have caught you at last pitiful person. You thought you could get away but I have found you. Now you must pay!" He revved the chainsaw and advanced toward the first man, who was lying on the ground begging for mercy.

"Wait a second. What in the world is going on?" Yugi squeaked in terror.

The dude with the chainsaw stopped. "My name is Jerry. I own this station." He pointed to a sign which said **JERRY'S GAS STATION** in big, bold, underlined all capitalized letters. Yugi looked up (okay, way, way, WAY up) to read the sign. Underneath that sign was another sign that listed the prices. It said:

Regular: an arm

Unleaded: a leg

Premium Plus: firstborn child

Diesel: you don't wanna know… trust me

"This looser won't pay for his tank of gas." Jerry revved the chainsaw again and advanced toward his victim.

"Please have mercy!" the scared man begged. "I can't afford these rates! At these prices I'll never be able to drive my overly extravagant Hummer, which only gets .3 centimeters to the gallon! I won't be able to get to work then I'll get fired and my family will starve! Plus, loosing a limb sounds quite painful and I get squeamish if I see blood."

This was just too much for our little friend. Lights started flashing, theme music started playing and he morphed into his alter ego YAMI YUGI! Needless to say this dramatic change puzzled Jerry and this other dude who apparently doesn't have a name.

"Does it hurt to have your eyes change shape like that?"

"Yeah, and how come your clothes still fit even though you got taller?"

"Silence greedy mortal!" Yami instructed Jerry. "You have oppressed the innocent people of this town for long enough. Now it is you who must pay. MIND CRUSH!" With that, Yami mind crushed Jerry who screamed eerily and fell over, unconscious. Yami then sent the price sign to the shadow realm. Out of nowhere tons of people mobbed Yami, thanking him for what he had done.

The ecstatic mob lifted him onto their shoulders as the pharaoh shouted "Free gas for everyone!" No sooner had the word escaped his lips than the entire area was trampled by giant pink bunny rabbits the size of elephants.

Yugi woke with a start. He had fallen asleep in the passenger seat of his grandfather's car. Grandpa Moto looked over at his grandson, smiling gently. "Glad to see you're awake. Why don't you go grab us a slushie while I fill up the tank."

" 'Kay Gramps" Yugi stumbled sleepily out of the car into the store. Yugi got two extra large cherry slushies. He walked up to the cashier to pay for his food. Just then he noticed the cashier's name tag: JERRY. Yugi gave a rather high pitched scream that sounded like a seven year old girl who has found that her younger brother used her Barbie dolls to play army with, threw the drinks into the air (sending artificially flavored red dyed partially frozen sugar water splattering everywhere) and ran out the door as fast as his shrimpy legs would carry him.

Gymnastics (Idea suggested by Nintendo Queen-yay!)

The unthinkable had happened. Seto Kaiba, CEO extraordinaire, stared at his school schedule in shock. There, amidst Chemistry, Calculus and all the other rigorous classes his brilliant intellect demanded was one class that sent goosebumps down his trench coat covered spine. Last period: Gymnastics.

"Someone had better start apologizing for this mistake," he said in a characteristically icy voice.

"Oh it's no mistake," the cheerful voice of his principal, Mrs. Feinstermaker intoned. She was a petite elderly lady with silvery gray hair pulled back into a neat bun. "In order to graduate you must have at least one unit of physical education. With your demanding schedule Gymnastics was the only class available."

"There's no other class?"

"Nope."

"I'm stuck with Gymnastics. Me, Seto Kaiba. What's wrong with this picture?" His voice was full of sarcasm but apparently Mrs. Feinstermaker didn't pick up on that not so subtle signal.

"Now dear, don't be such a stick in the mud. Look on the bright side!"

"What… bright… side…" Kaiba muttered through tightly clenched teeth.

"Well, for starters, it'll be a great way to meet new people! It's also very good exercise and it's fun!"

"Maybe you're right!" Kaiba said in a very unkaibaish (ie cheerfully optimistic) voice.

"You really think so?"

"No." Now that sounded more in character. Poor Mrs. Feinstermaker looked crushed. She started to sniffle and dab her eyes with a lacy handkerchief.

"Oh what's the use," she moaned. "I just can't reach out to young people. I'm a complete and utter failure!" At these words she burst into loud sobs and buried her face in her hands.

"Fine. I'll go."  
Kaiba's terse comment caught his principle off guard. "Y-you mean you'd do that for me?" she sniffed. "You'd do that to make a poor old lady happy?"

"No. I'm doing this because pathetic crying old ladies get on my nerves. And this third rate fic author can't come up with a plausible excuse to get me in there any other way."

"Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers I guess." Mrs. Feinstermaker folded up her lacy handkerchief. "Have a good time dear!"

As much as Kaiba wanted to, he couldn't discover a way to change the laws of nature. Time went on as it always has and always will: nanoseconds turned into milliseconds; milliseconds turned into fully grown seconds; seconds turned into minutes; minutes turned intohours and eventually time for the last class came.

Kaiba had always prided himself on being stalwart, but as his steps took him closer and closer to his doom (aka the gym) he began to feel, well, slightly nervous. As it turned out, his qualms were well grounded. The huge double doors loomed before him. He took a deep breath and pushed them open. Well, actually he tried to push them open. They wouldn't budge. After nearly five minutes of grunting, straining, looking very undignified, and complaining that with all of the money he had put into this sorry excuse for a school they ought to at least get functioning doors; he noticed that a sign on the handle said "pull".

"Well I'm off to a great start," he muttered to himself as he pulled open the doors. They creaked ominously. Inside he saw a room covered in mats with all sorts of torture implements like balance beams, high bars, parallel bars, those ring thingies you do flips on and stuff, and a huge trampoline sitting in the corner. Kaiba began to imagine all of the things he would rather be doing right now, like dueling and working and… oh wait that's all he does! Anyways, he turned his attention to his classmates, who were eyeing him like a shark eyes its prey.

"Oh, great. I'm stuck in a room full of rabid fan girls. Why me!" Of course, once the fangirls realized that this was indeed THE Seto Kaiba, Domino's most eligible CEO, they mobbed him, squealing and hugging and acting, well, like fan girls.

"Attention!" A drill sergeant type of teacher (complete with crew cut) stepped into the room. Immediately all of the girls released their victim and stood stiffly at attention. Kaiba staggered to his feet.

"Ahh, fresh meat." The teacher gleefully rubbed his hands together. "Get to work girls, you know the drill!"

"SIR YES SIR!" The girls immediately began turning themselves into human pretzels. Kaiba just stood there.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? A sissy, wussy, little boy taking gymnastics class."

Kaiba was too shocked to say anything.

"Alright, drop and give me 20, pansy!"

Since this is a fanfic and anything can happen on the whim of an insane authoress like me, Kaiba did what he was told. The next hour and a half was spent doing all sorts of grueling, horrible, torturous physical activity. Let your imagination run wild. By the time the bell finally rang our hero was a sweaty, disheveled mess. (Imagine running five miles in a gravity-defying trench coat while being chased by rabid fangirls. You would be too!)

Kaiba somehow managed to drag himself to Mrs. Feinstermaker's office. There the unthinkable happened. Kaiba got on his knees and begged for mercy.

"Please, I'll do anything! How much money do you want? I'll even make you vice-president of Kaiba Corp! Just don't make me go back there!" he sobbed.

Mrs. Feinstermaker looked at him sternly. "Now, stop that noise. I can't stand to see grown men cry."

"Touché," said Kaiba, sniffing.

"It just so happens that an alternate class has suddenly gotten an opening."

"Hooray for plot twists! What is it?" Kaiba asked eagerly.

"Ballet."

At that monosyllabic reply Kaiba let loose such an anguished scream of pure horror that it rattled windows and frightened small children half a hemisphere away.

A/N: Well, that's all for now folks! Review!


End file.
